Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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