I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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