I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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