I'm so fucking centered right now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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