I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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