You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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