I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize