shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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