god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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