I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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