mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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