Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize