Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize