george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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