She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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