Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize