Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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