duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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