Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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