he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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