I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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