I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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