Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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