Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize