one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize