What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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