u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
one might say we're banned from that church
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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