how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize