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i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Mom said you looked used
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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