when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize