You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize