Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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