Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth

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(309): I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth http://tfl.nu/zzns

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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m

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(757): View more from Virginia

If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

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(757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou

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(631): View more from New York

what you doin?

(516): View more from New York

I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?

(631): View more from New York

reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life

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(631): what you doin? (516): I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you? (631): reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life http://tfl.nu/6c83

Replies (20) Good night (5392) Bad night (1381)
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(251): View more from Alabama

So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.

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(251): So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night. http://tfl.nu/7pk1

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....

(843): View more from South Carolina

I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...

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(843): Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks.... (843): I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one... http://tfl.nu/xuml

Replies (12) Good night (3869) Bad night (706)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich

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(717): Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich http://tfl.nu/kdwm

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(757): View more from Virginia

He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in

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(757): He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in http://tfl.nu/4cf9

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(775): View more from Nevada

You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.

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(775): You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun. http://tfl.nu/rs7k

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(805): View more from California

It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese

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(805): It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese http://tfl.nu/i0pz

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(209): View more from California

His new job just became new places to have sex at.

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(209): His new job just became new places to have sex at. http://tfl.nu/ezs0

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(925): View more from California

WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.

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(925): WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES. http://tfl.nu/71kq

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(209): View more from California

He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia

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(209): He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia http://tfl.nu/8vrp

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(347): View more from New York

Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.

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(347): Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray. http://tfl.nu/hbqi

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(949): View more from California

I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.

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(949): I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night. http://tfl.nu/qme4

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