So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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