Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk is a universal language darling
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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