At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize