I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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