a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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