We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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