I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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