Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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