Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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