someone owes me an orgasm
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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