i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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