it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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