oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize