I showed him my bush... on skype.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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