I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize