Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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