you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize